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Kristin Contreras and her son Gabe, 11, offer hope to abuse victims who come to Hope’s Door shelter. Contreras, an abuse victim who went to live at Hope’s Door three years ago, says the shelter saved her life. Gabe describes his mom’s abuse and rescue in a poem he wrote when he was 10.
Mike Vogt/IPT
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Sharon Strauss
sstrauss@idahopress.com
Saturday, May 9th, 2009

Domestic abuse survivor finds success

Battered Caldwell woman says Drug Court and Hope's Door shelter saved her life

A 10-year-old Caldwell boy wrote this poem about his family life:

The man behind the door, he hits, he yells. I just wish he could stop.  

The man behind the door hit my mom.  

The man behind the door yells at my mom.   

We heard and listened every time because we were on the other side of the door.  

The man behind the door was my dad.  

The man behind the door left everything and it will always affect my heart.  

The woman behind the door, she stopped it.  

The woman behind the door stayed in her room.  

The woman behind the door lost everything. Drug Court was her dead-end.  

But the story doesn't end there. Caldwell resident Kristin Contreras, 38, lived through a domestic violence nightmare and came out on the other side. Her son Gabe, now almost 12, also wrote this:

The woman behind the door lived in a shelter with her kids.  

The woman is no longer behind the door.  

The woman who was behind the door is my mom.  

The woman who was behind the door has a house and a good life now.  

I will never forget what happened to the woman behind the door.

Abused woman's path to peace

CALDWELL — Kristin Contreras used to be a meth user and an abused woman, bruised at times from head to toe by a former boyfriend. Three years after walking into Hope's Door, she is drug-free and works as an advocate for the same domestic violence shelter she credits for changing her world.

After relapsing twice while in Drug Court, a 3rd District judge ordered Contreras to leave her home and placed her at Hope's Door shelter in Caldwell under house arrest. Now she believes that order, and being arrested in the first place for possession of methamphetamine, were perhaps the best things that could have ever happened to her.

"Going to Drug Court and Hope's Door were the only things that saved my life, because either he was gonna kill me, I was gonna kill me, or the drugs were gonna kill me," she said.

Abuse survivor shares her experience

Kristin Contreras talks with IPT reporter Sharon Strauss about her journey through domestic violence.

IPT: What happened? How did you get into this situation?

Contreras: For 10 years I was in an abusive relationship. Both him and I were on drugs. I was 25 when I met him. I had a full-time job. I just started using drugs and progressed as the years went by. The abuse started when my son was about a year old. I think the drugs got more intense. He was a violent person anyway, but the drugs intensified it.

IPT: What kind of abuse did you endure?

Contreras: The first time he chipped my tooth, cut my hair, broke every window in my house. At one point I had bruises top to bottom. I always had black eyes. It was on-and-off for 10 years. I was probably severely abused in every way: mental, emotional, physical. He'd say things to me I can't repeat, they were so unspeakable. That's how an abuser works, by tearing you down and making you feel less of a person.

IPT: Didn't your friends and family notice?

Contreras: My co-workers got suspicious. I finally told my boss. They tried to get me some help but I was very co-dependent. I felt like I needed him and he needed me. At that point I had stopped calling the police because I knew I'd take him back. 

IPT: Specifically what did Hope's Door do to help you and your three children?

Contreras: It gave me a place to live, a structured environment and the classes I needed to help me get in a better relationship. It gave my kids the structured life I hadn't given them in 10 years. On the first day, they do intake with you and you answer a lot of questions. Then they give you a tour of the shelter. I had to do day treatment and spent from 9 a.m. to 3 p.m. in treatment classes. After a few months of that I started looking for a job. I started working at Hope's Door thrift store. They give you classes at Hope's Door: WISE class, boundaries class, women's empowerment class — that was a really good class, about how we could make our relationships better.

IPT: People want to know why battered women don't just leave. They also want to know why a woman would let this happen to her.

Contreras: A lot of people think it's easy to just leave, but it's not. I would never tell an abused woman to "just leave." They don't want to hear that. The first thing I ask is, "Do you want out?" And I understand if they don't, if they choose to stay. I thought I was in love with him and I couldn't live without him. I offer that they go to a safety planning class, to learn about what to do if they do want to get out. The help is out there, but you have to be ready.

IPT: How have you changed?

Contreras: I had hit rock bottom. I lost my car, my house, I had been arrested, I almost lost my kids. I had no self-esteem, I was stomped on. I'm now a grandma, I work at Hope's Door, I pay my bills regularly. I'm self-sufficient and I'm probably the happiest I've been in my whole life. At Hope's Door I make it a point to stop and listen to the women. I encourage them that they can be where I am, that there is hope, it won't always be that way. Like I tell my children all the time, "There's nothing I can do to change the past, all I can do is move forward."

• Interview has been edited for space and clarity.